


strange dream

by unnagi



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Gen, a mess, kaminaga's "mid" life crisis bascially, strangely sentimental
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 16:57:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7722508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unnagi/pseuds/unnagi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaminaga’s thoughts on:<br/>- his time at D-Agency<br/>- having feelings</p>
            </blockquote>





	strange dream

 

Ultimately, _Robinson Crusoe_ is a story about humanity, perhaps even more than survival. Stranded on an island, the protagonist continued his lifestyle as a human…

 

 

Yuuki-san gave me that book, not because my mission in London was going to last for as long as thirty years..or that I was going to be “Friday”, since we did learn all about sleepers during class, and I never forgot anything Yuuki-san said in class. So then..a reminder? 

 

Perhaps it was his way of saying, _You have to stay human_. 

 

It was easier to do anything else but that. Sometimes, it felt better being consumed in the acting out of my given identity, rather than spending time alone, with no one else to be but myself. 

 

Did it happen to any of the others? I often wondered.

 

_Panta rhei_ , was a Greek phrase used to describe Heraclitus’ philosophy, in which “everything flows”. 

 

_Heraclitus thought the world was in constant state of flux, and any stationary system was an illusion…As spies, you need to adapt to this changing environment to the best of your ability..._  

 

Yuuki-san’s voice rang clear in my head. Perhaps philosophy was my favourite class, after all. The old man lectured us on all kinds of ideas. The aim, wasn’t to brainwash students, but to show them the thinkers who strived for the unattainable truth _._ One was not better than the other - it was up to our own judgement to decide which version of the _truth_ was applicable. 

 

Then, came the inevitable questions, _Why are we here? and_ specifically, _Why did I become a spy?_ for me. It was strange, that I remembered all kinds of things from D-Agency, and yet I had forgotten my purpose there. 

 

The only truth that mattered to a spy, was tangible information. Intelligence that I would do anything to gain, without breaking the rule, of course - D-Agency spies were more than capable of that. After years of training and study in tradecraft…weren’t we the most patriotic of them all? Sometimes, I wondered who I was risking my life for anyway - myself? Japan? 

 

It was for Yuuki-san, probably…Yuuki’s vision of an established intelligence agency, kind of like a Japanese MI6, hm? I could never hold a grudge against the devil king. 

 

Spies were people who loved their country but despised its state. For now, that was the truth that I settled on. 

 

 

 

_You’ve become sentimental,_ Miyoshi looked up from his book and spoke with a cigarette in his mouth.

 

In D-Agency, I assumed the identity of Kaminaga, one that I had developed during training, and was engrained into the depth of my mind. 

 

_And smoking is bad for your skin._

 

For a moment, his expression turned into a subtle scowl, before he tilted his head and averting my amused gaze. 

 

…

 

_I’m leaving tomorrow_ , he looked up and smirked at me again. 

 

_Miyoshi-kun’s first big mission? I’m so proud._

 

As always, small talk accounted for the majority of our conversations. The next day, Miyoshi had left early in the morning, I remembered, without a word.

 

I was thinking, if he never came back - I would’ve been sad, at least. That was only natural for a human being, and yet…for a spy, getting emotional was useless. It was childish, but I spent my days hoping he would come back, so that I didn’t have to feel anything. 

 

For two months, there was only me and Hatano. To pass the time, we played chess together and went out for drinks. Every time we sat opposite to each other, walked together in the city, insulted each other continuously…I got the feeling that I was not the person that he needed next to him, and he wasn’t the person who had been on my mind every single day.

 

I could only guess who Hatano was thinking of. 

 

-

 

When Maki died after a year, I decided to remember him. 

 

It wasn’t worth the trouble, after all, gaining intelligence at the cost of one agent’s life. Perhaps from the perspective of the military, the cheapest commodity there was human life. D-Agency was different from them..I wanted to believe that. But then..accidents like this happened. 

 

Becoming a spy, becoming Kaminaga..everything felt as though I were in a strange dream. Kaminaga, the empty shell under Yuuki-san’s command, changing one identity after another, I seemed to have woken up after _it_ happened. 

 

Miyoshi was right, then. Because of him, I was surviving in this place, just like Robinson Crusoe. A normal human being with feelings, was who I needed to be. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> I wrote this in a few hours, it is really a mess, right? Out of all of the spies, I think i only understand kaminaga and hatano's characters well enough.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes //


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